Understanding Counselling: Myths, Benefits, and How to Get Started

Counselling can mean different things to different people. In general, it is a process people seek when they want to change something in their lives, or simply explore their thoughts and feelings in depth.

Counselling is a personal opportunity to receive support and experience growth during challenging times in life. Individual counseling can help one deal with many personal topics in life such as anger, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage and relationship challenges, parenting problems, school [or work] difficulties, career changes etc., according to California State University.

Counsellors tend to

• Listen carefully.
• Understand the contributing factors to complex issues (e.g., individual, environmental, situational, multicultural, organizational, relational).
• Identify alternative perspectives and explanations.
• Ask good questions that help you understand yourself better.
• Take a strengths-based approach.
• Offer research-based suggestions for things you might try to improve your life.

A counsellor can help you…

• Process your thoughts and feelings.
• Understand any challenges or concerns.
• Brainstorm ideas and evaluate options.
• Identify alternative perspectives or way of thinking.
• Identify desired changes.

It is not a counselor’s job to “tell you what to do.” Ultimately, you are responsible for any decisions you make, and for committing to work towards changes you want to make.

When might someone benefit from counselling?

• When you want to gain new strategies for building resilience and improving your wellbeing.
• When you want to gain more clarity about your thoughts and feelings.
• When thoughts or feelings are holding you back from living the life you want to lead. For example:
  • You’re not sleeping well
  • You don’t have many things in life that make you feel happy
  • You are avoiding doing things you normally like doing
  • You feel constantly unhappy or anxious
  • You feel overwhelmed or stuck

Counselling is strongly recommended when…

1. You are acting in ways you know are harmful, and you want to stop. For example: chronic overwork, self-harm or risky behavior, using substances such as alcohol, nicotine, and/or food to help you cope, taking your anger out on others, and harming others with words or actions.
2. You find yourself experiencing intense anxiety or depression over time, intense psychological symptoms such as feeling completely overwhelmed or numb, amnesia, or flashbacks and thoughts of harming others or suicide.
3. You experience a very challenging event for example a serious car accident, a threatening or violent incident. These types of events are often called “critical incidents.” It is normal to experience some strong stress reactions in the days and weeks after a critical incident. For example:
   • Difficulty sleeping and relaxing
   • Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
   • Strong emotions (e.g., guilt, fear, sadness)
   • Feelings related to depression and anxiety
   • Irritability and anger
   • Recurrent thoughts about the event(s)
   • Headaches, body aches, changes in appetite

After a critical incident, counselling can help you…

• Learn more about stress and trauma and how it affects us.
• Figure out whether the stress and trauma reactions you are experiencing are normal and likely to subside on their own, or whether you could benefit from some additional counseling support for a while.
• Identify things you can do to take care of yourself during this time and help yourself recover.

What happens during a counselling session?

Different counsellors handle their first counselling session differently. In general, however, here are some of the things you can expect to happen during your first session (whether in person or via the phone).

• You will likely spend some time getting to know one another. The counsellor will tell you a bit about themselves and may encourage you to ask any questions you have about their lives, training, or experiences.
• They will likely ask you why you are seeking counselling, what sorts of needs and issues you’d like to discuss, what you’ve done to manage these sorts of questions or challenges in the past (what worked, and what didn’t), and what you hope to get from counselling.

After your first session, you should check in with yourself and think about the following things:

• How did you feel the first session went?
• Did you feel a good sense of connection with the counsellor? Did you feel they listened well to you, and understood your concerns and issues?
• How do you feel about having another session with that counsellor?

If you’re not feeling a sense of trust, respect, and connection after two or three sessions, consider seeking out a different counsellor. Counselling is an individualized process. To work well there must be a sense of trust, respect, and connection. Not every counsellor is going to be a great fit for you, and it’s OK to try a different counsellor if you feel like your first counsellor is not a good fit.

• However, it’s also worth mentioning that we shouldn’t equate a sense of “trust, respect, and connection” with “counselling will feel easy and comfortable.”
• Often, when someone is asking good, challenging questions and making us think and reflect deeply, it can make us feel uncomfortable and uneasy. So don’t dismiss a counsellor as” not a good fit” before asking yourself whether they are mostly “making you think and work in ways that feel hard.”

Questions you may want to ask a counsellor.             

• Is this confidential?
• When would you need to break confidentiality?
• How long have you been a counsellor?
• Do you have any experience with my specific type of issue?
• Have you ever sought counseling yourself? (If so, what was something valuable that came out of that process?)

Where to get counselling support

Africa Humanitarian Action offers counselling sessions for either one-on-one, group or family. Find details about accessibility, eligibility and contacts here. 

This information was compiled by the International Rescue Committee's Duty of Care. 

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